Shopping with children can be a joy or a chore. The choice is obvious if we have a screaming brat who cannot keep his hands to himself: leave him at home and make sure he does not even get to the main entrance of any shopping center!
However, not everyone can make that choice a reality. There are single parents and couples who not only have to eke out a living but to mind their children all other hours that they are away from work. There are no opportunities to sneak out for a second to grab that much needed egg or carton of milk without the kids in tow.
There are maids who are assigned the grocery list alongside a crying toddler, a wild kindergartner and a host of duties’ and responsibilities’ before their employers return home and demand dinner. There is absolutely nobody the maids can leave the brats to while she dashes about the tasks. After all, she is paid to mind the house and the kids!
There are doting grandparents, relatives and friends who are bringing the darlings’ out to give their poor parents that well-needed break. It is a joy to them to have their clever charges gleefully darting about and yelling out names of items they espy, to the chagrin of other shoppers. Unfortunately, they do not realize the long term harm they are doing to the children.
There are of course the disciplinarians who believe that children’s mind and body can be molded according to the expertise of the child minders. Parents who do not know how to discipline their children and enforce the strictest laws when they are in public ought to be kept at home together with the brats and not be seen in public.
Children will act according to their own will there is no perfect upbringing
If all babies were delivered by storks from the heavenly places, they would have been angelic. However, as all human beings are made in the image of God, we are equally able to choose for ourselves our own actions against the will of God, as Satan is able to, similarly for children at a shopping center where there is much newness to venture into. Most of the time, their choices are contrary to their parents’, predictably so!
Children will emulate your actions mind what you model
My son used to be in a kangaroo pouch until he was too big for it. As it was, he could be looking in different directions from me and once, he tried hailing a cab from the opposite direction, as he knew whenever his desperate mother sang God, give us a taxi’, she would flag at a car with a funny lighted sign attached to its roof.
Safety versus ridicule do what is best for you and your child
When he grew too big for the pouch and too heavy for my shoulders, I would put him on a wrist band leash. People would give me horrid stares and even call my son a little puppy. I was one of the revolutionary mothers in my part of the world then. Bystanders did not understand that our leash gave me a free hand while my son got some freedom in movement but not so much that he would get into trouble or danger. When he was about four and could speak and understand more instructions, I would unleash’ him for short periods.
Be on familiar soil a regular pleasant customer gets his perks
I always went to the same shopping center which had all the daily bread I needed. It was an advantageous move because shop owners got to know me and my son and we had special privileges from some shops. My son and I became a familiar figure even to shops I rarely ventured into myself because subsequently I allowed him to go to the toilet by himself and he would visit those shops on his way to the toilet and back!
Once, when he was four and on a trip to the toilet, he actually ran to a shop which we frequented for dinosaur figurines and returned with one figurine as well as a cashier close behind him! Fortunately, we had become trusted customers and she had fallen in love with my little handsome, so she allowed me to finish my meal and go to the shop later to pay for the figurine. She was more concerned that he was lost than that he was actually shoplifting!
Fear of the unknown a child’s safety net
On other occasions, it was Mummy who played punk. When my son was barely the height of trolley display carts which were used at malls, I would unleash him and tell him to stay by me. Knowing him, he would get distracted and lose’ me. Most of the time, I would do so when we were at the temporary sales sections which were made of such display carts neatly arranged in rows. I could see him but because of the crowd and his height, it was not easy for him to spot me. I used this ruse to train him to stay by my side. Subsequently, Let’s go or get lost again’ became his guide to stay by me at all costs.
Discipline and time management life skills that are a must at shopping
When my son was older and had a digital watch, I allowed him to go to his favorite shops while I stayed in mine and gave him a time to return to look for me. Of course, he would forget the time, especially when he had to queue for a free game at the display X-Box or needed the toilet. I would give him a fifteen-minute grace period before I moved off to his destination to look for him. Sometimes we would end up wandering the floors for each other until we found each other. Although it seemed time wasted, it was a good exercise for me and it taught my son discipline as well as the consequences of disobedience. Nonetheless, after each of these sessions, he would be the golden boy that disciplinarians crave!
The other thing that must be taught and nurtured is appropriate public behavior. This is best taught by getting our children to observe other ill-behaved children and getting their opinion on how and why they should behave better. Use praise frequently to motivate your children towards maintaining good behavior in public. End a shopping trip prematurely calmly if they are not exhibiting proper behavior show your displeasure in a pained rather than ill-tempered manner. Take time to reinforce this especially if you have active children like mine. Your children will feel the pinch especially when they have not purchased their items.
Teach through example budgeting for life
Decisions over budget and expenditure are difficult to effect even in adults. Hence, from young I trained my child to spend within his means by giving a group and individual budget to work on. When I gave up my job a few months back to mother him full time, it was an opportunity of growth in this area. We had to cut back in many areas so as to ensure that my savings will stretch to give me the time to devote myself full time to both our study needs.
On weekdays, we ate at cafeterias instead of restaurants and dine-ins. I would bring only ten dollars which in my country was sufficient for a meal for the both of us as well as dessert treats at a fast food center. My son learned to invest in healthier choices as well as spend on things that are of value to him. For example, he could choose to forgo his ice-cream dessert for toys such as Pokmon Kraks which gave him hours of pleasure instead. We learned to spend within our means and live by healthier choices.
My son also distinguished between his wants and needs and learned how to derive the best pleasure out of his meager allowance. Although it was a painful experience for the both of us, we ended up having more to share with the more unfortunate in life and learned to love life more than monetary pleasures. Our pre-determined shopping list and budgeting also meant delayed gratification which gives us time to consider if our intended purchases are worth our pennies.
Shopping advisor seeking a second opinion
My son is my fashion advisor. I involve him in my shopping and he delights in dressing up his mother. It also keeps my son busy and focused on getting my shopping done so that we can then go get his purchases done.
Shopping with children can be fun and enlightening with proper guidelines and predetermined goals. Think long term and you will likely be molding your children’s spending habits for the better!